I try to be a patient person. I try to be understanding, forgiving, thoughtful. I really do. But even I have my limits. My neighbors are now suffering the consequence.
For those of you that didn't know, my husband is in the Navy. We live in base housing, which is actually a housing community off base owned by the military. It's a beautiful area, and pretty quiet. Other than the vagrants who keep spray painting the park, things are calm and clean.
The houses range from duplexes to town houses. When we moved here, I was lucky enough to get a duplex. It's pretty big, it doesn't have any stairs (because navigating stairs with my knee is more of a chore then I can handle some days), and it has a large backyard. Well, large compared to what the town houses have. Anyhoo, my neighbors seem nice enough. They are always on the go, but them not being home means things are quiet next door.
Except for the fact that every time my neighbors pull out to leave they do so like this: Pull infront of my car, through my yard, out the back end of my side of the driveway, and out onto the street. When they come home they pull in behind my car, circle through my yard, turn infront of my car, pull nearly up to my front door, reverse into their own driveway...and park. I've tried desperately to keep my cool about it. Where I come from, driving through people's yards isn't kosher. I've tried to ignore that their headlights blaring into my bedroom window at odd hours (sometimes as late as 1 a.m.). I've tried to ignore the fact that if the military housing decides to get pissy about ruts in the yards, they are going to give ME a citation because it's on my side of the yard.
I've kept my mouth shut...and even calmed myself with the knowledge that now that I'm pregnant I'll be moving soon. One more kid means we'll qualify for a bigger house.
But then my neighbor had to be a total asshole last week...And I've had it!
With the military, it's common to have friends on different ships/units. We had a friend who needed to park his car here for two weeks while he left for a work-up (a mini deployment that gets the ship ready for the real thing). No big deal. We put his car in our driveway, the nose overhanging on the grass a little towards our front door, then park our PT Cruisers in a row behind it and ShaZoom! We have the cars all on our side of the driveway, with nothing parked on the street. Go us and being good friends.
All good, right? Ha! The day our friend comes to pick his car up he finds out it has a flat tire. No big deal, his tire tends to leak. But once he gets the tire aired up, his key literally snaps in half when he goes to start up his car. And it's one of those microchip keys. He ends up having to call a tow truck and have it towed to a storage unit. Now, enter nosey neighbor, watching it being loaded on the tow truck.
"I'm glad to see that car gone. It was making it difficult for us to get in and out."
What?! Really? I bristle on the inside, but I do my best to be nice. I'm moving soon, I'm moving soon, I'm moving soon. Trying desperately to think of anything to fill the silence, I latch on to the gathering clouds and ask if he's heard if it's going to rain? To which he promptly asks (in a snide voice) if I have a TV.
Oh, it's on!
I spent about two days plotting what I was going to do. I thought about putting solar lights on either side of our sidewalk, but realized they would probably drive over the top of them and smash them. I thought about planters, but realized if they didn't see me put them there during the daylight, they'd probably zoom over my sidewalk and smash those in the middle of the night too. So I decided I needed something big. Something that said, "I dare you to squeeze your van's butt through here." I pulled my hulking purple PT Cruiser up so far that it's back half is on the driveway and it's front half is in the grass. Actually a quarter is in the grass and the other quarter is on my front side walk.
It's only been three days since I've done it, but I'll admit that EVERY time they go to leave, I stand by the kitchen window, sipping tea while I watch them pull forward, back up, pull forward, back up as they try to widgie into their own yard and out onto the street. They could solve this if they'd just park vehicle number two on the side of the street when they know they are leaving. You know, like everyone else in American freaking does (including myself and my husband). But...Not my problem. ~ D. F. Krieger