D. F. Krieger

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Thump in the Night

I was attacked last night! It was scary, but in fighting back, I gained my feral cats lasting admiration. I am a hunter in his eyes now.

You see, it all started at almost two in the morning. I'd been in bed for about half an hour (I just know I'm going to hear it from my father-in-law when he reads this!) when I heard a strange humming sound. I brushed it off. We live near two airports so I figured it was simply a helicopter doing night ops. That was, until it smacked into my arm. It was huge and hard and distinctly insect-like. I shot upright and shook my arm like I was trying to get a deadly goo off before it ate me alive. I got it off alright.

And when it attached to my face, I realized I would have been better off letting it stay on my arm.

With a shriek that could wake the dead (I know it's true because it actually woke my husband), I bolted out of bed, flailing like a head-banger at a metal concert. When it disappeared, I stood there shaking, uncertain how to explain to my husband that I'd just been viciously attacked. I'm sure he thought I was quite insane, but in my defense the room was pitch black and there was no way he could see the horrid creature. My husband, gods bless his little heart, starting trying to talk me into calming down like one talks a mental patient off a ledge.

"It was probably just a nightmare," he said.

Upon hearing that, I had every intention to sulk...for days! But then I heard the humming again, and a thunk as it landed on the wall that our headboard rests against. My cat (Macbeth) and I lunged for the spot at the same time. I belatedly realized that until I knew exactly what kind of insect it was, grabbing it was not in my best interest. I raced to the other side of the room and switched on the light.

I'll admit I smirked when my husband yelped in agony at the sudden blinding light.

Macbeth, mean while, was up on the bed and frantically digging at my pillow. I pushed him to the side, pulled the pillow back, and jumped back myself when a large black blur went flying past my head. The ominous humming echoed loudly as it flew in ever tightening circles towards the ceiling. Macbeth paced under it, chittering deep in his throat.

"Smack it," my husband suggested.

I stared at him in horror. "I don't know what it is. What if it stings me? I'm going to wait til it lands."

When it did land, I gave a silent prayer that I hadn't took my husband's advice. It landed on my fan cord, about the size of a quarter. It was by far the biggest STINK BUG I'd ever seen in my life!

Thinking quickly, I grabbed a cup and a plastic object and trapped the stink bug, then hurried down the hallway and threw it outside. When I returned, Macbeth twined around my legs. The adoration in his eyes told me more then words ever could; I was now the best hunter ever!

I suppose in cat this means I've officially leveled up. When I awoke this morning, Macbeth was so lovable, he even made it difficult for me to get dressed. I guess I should be proud. I've ranked up from Servant to Lady In Waiting. ~ D. F. Krieger


Jen Kirchner said...

OMG! You have me laughing my head off! If there's a "Huntress Award", it goes to you. Hands down. If that were me (and my husband) we would have locked our cat in the bedroom, then high-tailed it down to the garage and locked ourselves in the car... and then made plans to move to another planet.


D. F. Krieger said...

Hello Jen! Bugs don't normally bother me. I guess they only do when they are performing ninja air-attack maneuvers in the early a.m.? *Proudly accepts her 'Huntress Award'* I'd like to state first that I'm thankful I didn't smash the bug...

Murphy said...

Hi D.F:

Loved this part:

With a shriek that could wake the dead (I know it's true because it actually woke my husband)...



D. F. Krieger said...

Murphy! *Waves* Glad you enjoyed. I didn't know how true that statement was until my husband came home. He read the blog and admitted he remembers next to nothing of the whole ordeal. He must have been in a zombie-like state.

Rachel Firasek said...

I'm ROFL. This was so great. I can see it all going down. Sting bugs are so gross. lol. Thanks for sharing your bravery with us!

D. F. Krieger said...

Hey Rachel! Yes, stink bugs are very gross. I give them the same respect (read distance) that I used to give skunks when I lived in the country. Thanks for enjoying my heroic and deadly adventures!

Angelina Rain said...

LOL, Macbeth sounds like a great cat. I’m glad you escaped the bug and now you have your cat’s respect. It’s nice when they start to see you as more than a servant, too bad that doesn’t last long with cats.

D. F. Krieger said...

Greetings Angelina! Oh yes, you are right, it won't last long. I expect to only milk this for a few days, then its back to servant status I go. Macbeth is a fantastic cat. I'll have to put a picture up of him soon (and maybe a blog?)

Navywife102409 said...

That was too stinking funny (haha sorry, just realized what I did. haha) I HATE those things! They are butt ass ugly! You are my hero! I would have bolted into the bathroom and stayed there until Ev (or Mo) fixed it. Of course he sleeps just as good as David and I would have had to call his phone (nothing like waking up to the Geico's screaming pig commercial) in order to wake him up to get it!

D. F. Krieger said...

Hello Chili's Cohort in Crime! Mo can be my hero any day! And I believe you when you say you would have freaked. I remember the rolly polly in in your garden a few weeks ago. >:D Wow, that ring tone sounds so annoying I'd have to stomp on a phone...accidentally, of course >.>