D. F. Krieger

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Spring Break Breakdown!

In honor of my post that I'll write more about my life as an individual, I'm writing about a very dreaded topic for parents everywhere... Spring Break. My son started spring break yesterday. It's only Day 2 and I'm ready to throw in the towel on my expectancy to get anything done without having a nervous break down.

Now, before you get all judgy Mcjudgerson, please understand I love my kids. I really do. I have two boys-- my 9 year old (We'll call him X-man) and my 5 year old (Who we fondly call Tank around here.) Those boys can't be any more different in personality, which is fine. I love their individual thoughts, dreams, and views. The problem is, they are NOT a case of opposites attract. Nothing...I repeat, NOTHING can be done without fighting.

Let them play a video game and they will argue about one of them being on the same area of the screen as the other. Apparently there are invisible lines in games, and gods help whichever brother crosses that line into the other brother's "territory." This is especially true in something like Minecraft, even though neither of them are doing anything except destroying every block of anything in sight.

Let them play outside? They will argue about whether it's cold or hot out. Whether a flower can kill you or not (I'm waiting on the dares to eat said flowers in a sibling plot to kill each other). Whether the toys they took out belong to one or the other, and whether said amount of toys were equally divided.

The only things they seem united on is that Mommy is fair game to whine to...constantly. Their favorite phrase is "That's not fair!" (and they don't even have the decency to laugh when I quote David Bowie by saying, "You say that so often. I wonder what your basis for comparison is.") And that farts are both hilarious and gross, pending on who is doing it at the time.

One thing I can tell you, nothing pulls me out of editing or writing a sex scene faster than, "MOMMY!" as a kid comes barreling into the room to tattle. My work has become a moonlight affair I sneak in after their bedtime just so I can edit or write in peace. In the past two days, I've come to a few conclusions:

*Maybe I do want to be one of those moms who lets a 3DS babysit her kids. It's not out of laziness, but necessity.

*Moms who opt to homeschool multiple children must, in my humble opinion, by psychopathic masochists.

*The fact that I'm due in July with my third child (a daughter this time) must make me a psychopathic masochist too. Because otherwise, I'm not sure why the hell I thought it would be a great idea to have one more.

*As the days pass, I envy my husband's ability to escape to work more and more.

*By the time my oldest son goes back to school next Monday, I'm probably not going to have a voice anymore.

And finally *I must love my kids, because despite it all, my heart still beats double-time when they bring me one of the killer flowers from the yard commonly known as a dandelion and tell me they love me.

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